I don't see color...
Every week in the Seattle Weekly, there's a spoof article written by the mythological embodiment of all things Seattle. His name is the Uptight Seattleite, and he is the avatar of the Pacific Northwest. Think of a child of the 60s with the computer programmer gray ponytail, pumping out a pertinacious, self-confident agenda when he's not pumping his body full of 100% fair trade espresso. The caricature is dead-on, as you might agree. Anyway, enjoy his tongue-in-cheek advice on how to make the most of the up-and-coming Martin Luther King, Jr. holiday. Because really, you need his advice.
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Dear Uptight Seattleite,
How should I spend Martin Luther King Day?
Dear Conscientious Guy,
It's not that I hold myself up as an example in this regard, but I will briefly mention that I'm pretty much color-blind. This one time, when I met a co-worker? Someone asked me later what he looked like, and I just couldn't recall. Suddenly surrounded by a menacing, mumbling crowd demanding to know even the smallest morsel I could squeeze from my subconscious. I did allow that I dimly recalled he was a 6' 5" Filipino squinting into the sunset, with a blood-red kerchief tied neatly about his throat. Whatever, though, right? Because what the heck difference did it make? This other time I met a sales rep who happened to be African American. When someone mentioned him later, I said, 'Who?' I couldn't remember meeting anyone at all! My vision pierced through his ostensible racial identity to the white board he was standing in front of. Almost as if he were invisible.
I'm not saying that kind of transcendent vision can be achieved overnight. But a day of contemplation wouldn't hurt. That's why I would recommend staying home on January 21st and working on your post-racial nonchalance. Look in the mirror and casually repeat to your reflection, 'I just didn't notice. I just didn't notice.' After all, it is only the exquisite self-consciousness of Caucasians that can make Dr. King's dream come true.
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Hmmm.
I'm sure my co-workers wouldn't be insulted if I didn't recognize something as central to their identity as their race. Really, this is the 21st century, and race is insignificant, nugatory at best. Racial prejudice--nay, the concept of race itself--vanished the moment the gavel rang in the Senate chamber on July 2, 1964. It's those of us (myself included) who still see color are the real obstructions in the way of progress. So, please, stay at home on Monday, or at least close out reality with your iPod if you have to venture out in public...and be sure to assuage your conscience knowing that you're doing the right thing. Looking people in the eye or seeking to talk with real people is incredibly barbaric. Create a homogeneous culture filled with strip malls and advertisements. Remember, insulating your life experience from any trace of racial, ethnic, or religious diversity isn't the way of ignorance...truly, it is our manifest destiny.
* Here's the official link to the article's source, so I don't get sued. But if I do, I'm asking Tom Claycomb to defend me. Do lawyers accept food stamps?
http://www.seattleweekly.com/2008-01-16/diversions/ask-an-uptight-seattleite.php
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Dear Uptight Seattleite,
How should I spend Martin Luther King Day?
Dear Conscientious Guy,
It's not that I hold myself up as an example in this regard, but I will briefly mention that I'm pretty much color-blind. This one time, when I met a co-worker? Someone asked me later what he looked like, and I just couldn't recall. Suddenly surrounded by a menacing, mumbling crowd demanding to know even the smallest morsel I could squeeze from my subconscious. I did allow that I dimly recalled he was a 6' 5" Filipino squinting into the sunset, with a blood-red kerchief tied neatly about his throat. Whatever, though, right? Because what the heck difference did it make? This other time I met a sales rep who happened to be African American. When someone mentioned him later, I said, 'Who?' I couldn't remember meeting anyone at all! My vision pierced through his ostensible racial identity to the white board he was standing in front of. Almost as if he were invisible.
I'm not saying that kind of transcendent vision can be achieved overnight. But a day of contemplation wouldn't hurt. That's why I would recommend staying home on January 21st and working on your post-racial nonchalance. Look in the mirror and casually repeat to your reflection, 'I just didn't notice. I just didn't notice.' After all, it is only the exquisite self-consciousness of Caucasians that can make Dr. King's dream come true.
-------------------------------------------
Hmmm.
I'm sure my co-workers wouldn't be insulted if I didn't recognize something as central to their identity as their race. Really, this is the 21st century, and race is insignificant, nugatory at best. Racial prejudice--nay, the concept of race itself--vanished the moment the gavel rang in the Senate chamber on July 2, 1964. It's those of us (myself included) who still see color are the real obstructions in the way of progress. So, please, stay at home on Monday, or at least close out reality with your iPod if you have to venture out in public...and be sure to assuage your conscience knowing that you're doing the right thing. Looking people in the eye or seeking to talk with real people is incredibly barbaric. Create a homogeneous culture filled with strip malls and advertisements. Remember, insulating your life experience from any trace of racial, ethnic, or religious diversity isn't the way of ignorance...truly, it is our manifest destiny.
* Here's the official link to the article's source, so I don't get sued. But if I do, I'm asking Tom Claycomb to defend me. Do lawyers accept food stamps?
http://www.seattleweekly.com/2008-01-16/diversions/ask-an-uptight-seattleite.php
posted by Steve Pratt at 10:09 PM
1 Comments:
one of my VU professors, who once told me "you don't have to drive a Cadillac if you can only drive a mini -van", explained that we don't get MLK jr. day off because the university formed a council on it and decided since there were almost exclusively white people on this administrative council that we would really only wash our cars if we had the day off, and who are we as white people to devote time to honoring mlk jr if in reality, we would only wash our cars.
This coming from a women who also said: "leadership is like pornography...you know it when you see it"
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